Sunday, 18 May 2014

Hospital School!

So I had my first out of three, or possibly fifteen (yes, really) visits to the Pain Rehabilitation Clinic, and the first thing I can say about them is that they're nice, closely followed by that I'm harbouring a serious sense of guilt regarding the fact that there are a hundred (!) people on the waiting list, some of them people who'd been through car accidents and whatnot. I can also imagine there's people with much more crippling pains than mine, so I feel uneasy occupying a spot there.

The Pain Rehabilitation Clinic is a really long name, and I prefer to call it 'Hospital School' (to be read in a retarded seven years old voice) because as soon as you arrive you get your daily schedule, which looks something like this:

10:00: Social worker
11:00 Doctor
12:00 Nurse
13:00 Freak doctor
14:00 Occupational Therapy

And then you go from one to the other and they all ask you questions regarding their field and your problem, aside from the freak doctor, whose list of question had some of the following in it:

Rate the following questions from 1 to 5, 1 being "I don't feel like this at all" and 5 being "dude you totally nailed it that's my life".

  1. I have a hard time remembering what I did an hour ago. 
  2. I often lose any sensation in my leg. 
  3. I don't remember what day it is. 
  4. I think there are cameras installed in street lights, to follow me.
  5. The voices in my head only speak to me at night. 
  6. People actively seek to do me harm. 
  7. The voices in my head are louder than those of the people around me. 
...And so on, so I was kind of creeped out, really, had to tell the doctor this, ah, wasn't really the, erm, case, um, and, ah, if this is the Voices In Head department I might be in the wrong place. 

The real doctor dude, however, aside from being awfully nice, turned out to have worked with my dad twenty years ago and still remembers him fondly. He even said 'I heard about what happened to your mom, I'm sorry to hear, she was a lovely woman' and thus rendered me biased forever. He also says he thinks my problem has to do with two specific muscles, and recommended physiotherapy and acupuncture. So that felt constructive, much more than the Voices section. Shudder. 

Then I walked back home an hour, listening to Lion King and enjoying the sun, and now I'm just eager to get this through so that people with real problems can use that clinic's services. But until then at least things are progressing; which is awesome. 

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