Perhaps it's the normal way things go with grief. I miss him. I think it's time I sat a whole evening and wrote down everything I feel without thinking; prod the festering wound so it can heal. But it hurts, and I'm scared. And I don't know how to ask for help or what help could be given.
But as a start, since the tears came randomly again, I put our wedding song on repeat again and wailed loudly and freely like a child, for some half an hour. It only helped a little, but -
Fuckit. I think I need help.