Bellpoint

It was my plan to go back to sleep once the boyfriend left for his board game night; but somehow, still buoyed on yesterday's stream sense of energy and normality, I ended up editing the first episode of Dracula (the 2020 Netflix one) so I can share it with ET. The show is excellent but rather gory, and I'm not sure the story interests ET at all - he's less into Gothic Victorian horror than me - so I edited out all the gore and abbreviated the story into something that would upset Stoker; it's the video equivalent of this: Jonathan Harker: So the castle was creepy, I got sicker every day, the count looked younger and had better English every night, I forgot Mina's face, found some zombies and a dead baby, and escaped. Sister Agatha: Rocks. It happened that I even cropped out most of Dracula himself, which is a shame because it's a wonderful rendition of the character; He's the scariest Dracula I've seen, as exquisite as only Steven Moffat can write, but ...

It was my intention to use this diary - 'blog' always feels like it's intended for other people to read, while the stuff I write is usually just a thought-dump, so 'diary' fits better, even if it's open for others to read - my intention was to blabber about Blender and 3D when I'm excited, but there's more right now. This is a positive post, despite the coming paragraph. My father died five weeks ago. It was a complicated relationship, with lots of love and care, but also lots of other stuff - stuff that means this loss is not as unbearably painful as losing a parent usually is. It is, however, still grief; it's confusing, to find oneself crying, or unable to function, while not feeling the loss as keenly as I felt mum's when she passed away.  How is this a positive post, then? Because of several things. The boyfriend and his children, for a start; we've lived together for a few months now, and it's... well, it's wonderful. This kids ...

  Could be I've been too hasty to call this diary gone; Unexpectedly, there's suddenly stuff I can, and want, to share - that isn't as private as thoughts and emotions. Incoming explanation.  For six or seven years I taught Blender for Warcraft art, and made Warcraft art with Blender, mostly commissions. I suck at commissions; diving into polishing the models can be a bottomless pit, and I happily fall in because I enjoy it, but it meant that even with charging around 60 euro per commission, I would be paid something like one euro per hour. That was disheartening, but when I managed to put that aside it was pure fun. More than that; it was the thing that got me out of bed in the morning.  Not the depressed kind of 'I've nothing else to get out of bed for', but the enthusiastic, passionate kind of being hyper-focused on something both challenging and rewarding; and Blender's been managing to keep me hyper-focused since 2015. Even when bad things happened - di...

  Life did a 180, and since life wasn't great since January 2023, a one-eighty is a very good thing. I met a guy. That was six months ago. Two months ago we moved in together. He has two kids and I regularly play Skyrim with the 10 years old and cook with the 16 year old. There's the world's most hilarious cat. There's love and laughter and homeyness and reading Pratchett together. The Ozmpic worked as well as it can, aka peeled 20 kgs off me and then stopped, and it hardly shows but it changed everything regarding my health and independence. I can easily get up now if I sit on the floor. It's expensive, and I'll need to keep using it for the rest of my life or I'll re-gain the weight, and it's worth it. There's regular psychology classes and they're eye-opening and invaluable and already make a big difference in my coachees' lives, and in mine; psychology is fascinating. No commissions were coming in - perhaps because I've been absent fo...

  A post about Ozempic is long overdue.  It'd be easy to write 5k words about it - the miracle diet drug that actually works and is transforming one of the deadliest modern pandemics into something effortlessly curable; its high monetary cost and so far near nonexistent side-effects cost; my history of overweight to morbid obesity from age nine to fourty five; the fact that Ideas have people, not people have Ideas, and the Idea of 'Bell is fat' has been driving me as its vehicle all my life - and what it means to have... that... stop. What it meant as a life-long struggle was feeling like a hopeless loser, a spoiled, lazy and damaged person. Hold on, this gets happy, I promise. The doctor put me on it four months ago. I was morbidly obese, with 100kg overweight, a metabolism confused by 30 years of diets, and a history of repeatedly losing and gaining large amounts of weight, always with a method that requires constant effort, willpower, discomfort, time and hunger. I'm...

This blog was reset a few times and it's mostly no great loss, but I miss the digital scrapbook pages I made last year. I think it started as a way to memorize words in Thai, or an attempt to indulge in making roleplaying props without actually roleplaying, or possibly to make use of AI images that deeply moved me but, being AI, are morally wrong. I can't remember; but it developed into being a sort of journaling-with-images thing. And that blog is gone, and there weren't too many of them, so I'm just going to re-post them here.  - When I was a kid I dreamt of knights and fairies and green meadows and rain, which stood to reason, what with being a D&D player who lived in the desert in a town where most teens cared mostly for surfing. Then I grew up and realized that rain was cold, that green meadows were also cold, that sunshine on said meadows didn't necessarily mean it's warm, and that I hate the cold. And somewhen in my 30s I realized what I now fantasize...