September

September in this country is full of holidays, which makes keeping a routine near impossible; with two kids in the house, it's been more social and family-like than I had in years. It's going to get far more social, because there's the Geek Festival in two weeks, and I'm going for the first time in 15 years. It's a bit daunting - I'm very fat, and I used to be a minor celebrity in these circles; what will they think of me? Will I feel confident and happy as I used to, when I was the outgoing game-master of tabletop game, the person who enjoys making LARP props and making friends with new people? It's so easy to retreat into my shell, but I miss people, and roleplaying, and real-life socializing.

So September has been distinctly lacking in daily routine, but had more nice family interactions than I had in a decade. There was time with the boyfriend's kids, enjoyable time with my brother (!), loads Office Days In Person here in my study with Quazi - it serves for both accountability and socializing -  and life feels nicely full.

Most of my free time this month was spent scrapbooking, if you can call it that when it's done mostly because one wants to use all the cute stickers and washi tape one spent a silly chunk of their inheritance on. 

It feels silly to post the scraps here when I already did on my non-Blender Instagram, though Instagram feels so public and advertisy that I never have the guts to write anything next to the picture.

Here's only one, then. Turns out that, unless I deliberately try to veer from it, my scraps end up being blue and gold. 

There's something that feels sensual (as in - of the senses, not sexual) about smoothing pet-tape on high-quality paper, or drawing letters by hand. The craze started around mid-June, so it's been 3.5 months now, and I'm still as obsessed with it as I was with Blender in 2016. This is fun.

I miss Blender very much, but with my online presence at five percent of what it used to be, there's no commissions coming in - and it's easy to sink into the comfort of real-life routine: boyfriend, kids, cat, scrapbook. Still, I hope my Blender-craze will return one day; that, more than anything, might get me back into Warcraft.

Warcraft has gotten too easy and too grindy for my taste, so it's never been about the game - it's always been about the roleplay. But life is so full and satisfying, and searching for a guild that aligns with my preferences is daunting.

So that's September: relaxing, wonderful mundane life. In love. Inspired. Peaceful. It feels like a vacation - and I guess it is, now that the four-decades-long abusive relationship that controlled my life isn't a thing anymore. It feels... it feels amazing. Maybe one day I'll find the guts to make a scrap about that.